Humor Quotations - Top 35 Funny Quotations by Famous Comedians

<P> <LI> Education is worth a lot. Imagine - with enough education and brain average man would make a good lawyer - and thus the average lawyer. Events <B> - Gracie Allen (Gracie) </ B> <P> <LI> It is absurd to bet on a horse without talking to him first. I know it seems ridiculous to ask a horse who wins a race - but it is not Sills to ask someone. Events <B> - Gracie Allen (Gracie) </ B> <P> <LI> build a better mousetrap than his neighbor and Kraft Cheese will beat a path to your door . Events
- Gracie Allen (Gracie) </ B> <P> <LI> First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then forget to draw to an end and, finally, you forget to pull it down.
<B> - George Burns </ B> <P> <LI> In reality, only a drink for me loaded. The problem is that I ca not remember if it was the thirteenth and fourteenth. Events <B> - George Burns </ B> <P> <LI> For forty years, my act was a joke. And when she died. Events <B> - George Burns </ B> <P> <LI> Happiness is great love, caring close family in another city. Events <B> - George Burns </ B> <P> <LI> happy to be here? At my age it's good to be anywhere. Events <B> - George Burns </ B> <P> <LI> at any time in four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank theft has happened . Events <B> - Johnny Carson </ B> <P> <LI> Democracy means that anyone can become president, and can not grow to become Vice President. Events
- Johnny Carson </ B> <P> <LI> Happiness is your dentist tell you not to hurt, then take control of your catch in the exercise. Events <B> - Johnny Carson </ B> <P> <LI> I know a man who stopped smoking, drinking, sex and rich food. Events <B> - Johnny Carson </ B> <P> <LI> The only money that is given the freedom not to worry about money. <B> Events - Johnny Carson </ B> <P> <LI> Always end your child's name with a vowel, to yell when the name of action. Events <B> Bill Cosby </ B> <P> <LI> Do not worry about senility, my grandfather used to say. When it strikes, you do not know WO is .
<BR> Bill Cosby
<P> <LI> fatherhood is telling his daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but he has feelings for those who eat broccoli.
<B> Bill Cosby </ B> <P> <LI> Having a child is the most beautiful and irrational act that two people in love can commit. Events <B> Bill Cosby </ B> <p> <LI> I was not always black ... This is not sin, and it has become increasingly important. Events <B> Bill Cosby </ B> <P> <LI> immortality is a long shot, I admit. But someone has to be the first. Events <B> Bill Cosby </ B> <P> <LI> I love being married. It is large enough to find a special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
<B> - Rita Rudner </ B> <P> <LI> I love shopping after a bad relationship. I do not know. Buying a new set and make me feel better. Simply not. Sometimes I really see a great team, I needed to break with someone on the end.
<B> - Rita Rudner </ B> <P> <LI> I think men who have a hole in the ear are better prepared for marriage. They have experienced pain and bought jewelry.
<B> - Rita Rudner </ B> <P> <LI> I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
<B> - Rita Rudner </ B> <P> <LI> I wonder if other dogs Poodle think that members of a bizarre religious cult.
<B> - Rita Rudner </ B> <P> <LI> Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him: Are we going to have sex again? He said: Yes, but not with each other.
<B> - Rita Rudner </ B> <P> <LI> I have always done well in the test questions. Just put everything you know about the existence, be made in May.
<B> - Jerry Seinfeld </ B> <P> <LI> No face, mouth open ... which is how pharmaceutical companies see the public.
<B> - Jerry Seinfeld </ B> <P> <LI> on the side of the box my Superman costume that really said - Do not try to steal !
<B> - Jerry Seinfeld </ B> <P> <LI> Those who read tabloid deserves to be lied.
<B> - Jerry Seinfeld </ B> <P> <LI> the four levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, making people laugh foreigners, you pay for Foreigners make people laugh, and talk to people like you, because it's really fun.
<B> - Jerry Seinfeld </ B> <P> <LI> everything is within walking distance if you have time.
<B> - Steven Wright </ B> <P> <LI> I bought some batteries, but are not included. So I had to buy again.
<B> - Steven Wright </ B> <P> <LI> I stayed all night to play poker with Tarot cards. I have a full house and four people were killed.
<B> - Steven Wright </ B> <P> <LI> If a word in the dictionary was bad, how can we know?
< B> - - Steven Wright </ B> <P> <LI> Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back, he said: I Wish You Were Here .
<B> - Steven Wright </ B> Resource Box -? Danielle Hollister (2005) is the editor of the http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp target = Bella new online Zine
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